Welcome to What I've Learned So Far...
Welcome to the online home of Erma Bombeck award-winning humorist Mike Ball. Mike's column is a syndicated weekly feature that pops up in newspspers all over the United States. If your local paper doesn't carry What I've Learned So Far... call or email the editors, give them a link to this site, and tell them to get with it!
We also have readers from around the world who subscribe online. Please join them - it's free! And if you register you can join in the conversation by commenting on the columns right here on the site.
And if you want to meet Mike, check out the Schedule Of Appearances for a reading, signing, or singing near you.
In another life, Mike is the founder of Lost Voices, a nonprofit group founded to bring creative writing and roots music programs to incarcerated and at-risk kids. He was recently named USA Today Kindness Community Hero for this work.
Volcanos and Swine Flu - The Fun Of Flying
Everybody knows that the airlines have not been doing that well lately. Between the rising cost of fuel and the ongoing hassles of cleaning up after young Nigerian millionaires with exploding underpants, the industry has been faced with a series of unprecedented challenges.
To add insult to injury, a certain volcano in Iceland (Eyjafjallajokull, whose name is really hard to say for most news reporters; it's pronounced "Xgicxgsrnlglu") recently shut down airports all over Europe and paralyzed air travel world-wide. Of course, most airlines are not compensating the stranded passengers in any way, since a volcano is an "Act of God."
Arizona In A Nutshell
I'd say that Mr. Day hit it right on the head with this one.
Please, No More Tiger Tales!
Last weekend I spent more time watching the Masters golf tournament on television than I like to admit. I guess I find it strangely comforting to see tanned, handsome, self-assured millionaire touring golf professionals occasionally shank a five iron into a sand trap.
To me the highlight of the weekend was Fred Couples making a serious run for the Green Jacket. I loved this because:
a). He is fifty years old and has more gray hair than I do;
b). His name is "Fred;"
c). In an elite sport where everything a player uses, wears, eats, drinks, or thinks about is computer engineered for maximum performance and endorsement value, this guy was playing the most prestigious tournament in professional golf wearing slip-on boat shoes with no socks.
c). In an elite sport where everything a player uses, wears, eats, drinks, or thinks about is computer engineered for maximum performance and endorsement value, this guy was playing the most prestigious tournament in professional golf wearing slip-on boat shoes with no socks.
Also, I found it mildly interesting to see Tiger Woods making his comeback after five months away from competitive golf.
Ask Dr. Mike - Tofurky and paisley lederhosen
We haven't heard from our old friend Dr. Mike in quite a while. For new readers, Dr. Mike is an advice columnist whose main qualification for dispensing life-changing gems of wisdom is his Ph.D. in Melted Crayon Sculpture from the University of Tim Online ($29.95, two for $41.50).
Here is what we found in this week's mail bag:
Dear Dr. Mike,
My wife's cooking is a lot more enthusiastic than it is edible. In fact, after word of her "Liver-Tofurky Casserole Surprise" reached the Pentagon, she was hired as a consultant for the Army's Chemical Warfare Division.
News: Award Winning Humorist Mike Ball Will Read, Sign and Sing at Brighton, MI Borders
Syndicated columnist and Erma Bombeck Award-winning humorist Mike Ball will be bringing his guitar and a box of Sharpies with him when he visits the Borders store in Brighton, Michigan on Saturday, March 27. Ball will be on hand from 3:00 to 5:00 PM to read from and sign his new book, What I've Learned So Far... Part I: Bikes, Docks & Slush Nuggets.
Ball's nationally-syndicated column, What I've Learned So Far... has attracted fans and positive reviews from all over the world. The new book is a treasury of the sharply funny and sometimes poignant work that has made him a favorite of so many readers.
